Still Kicking Ass, Apparently

Medicine isn’t an exact science. I was reminded of this when I saw the cardiologist to follow up after my heart attack-not heart attack a few weeks ago. The cardiologist I saw in the hospital went on maternity leave so I saw her colleague and the first thing he told me was “you were given the wrong diagnosis.” He went on to explain why I had viral pleurisy and not pericarditis. He said they present the same and are treated the same so basically no harm done. Okay, not really sure how I feel about that.

In other news I had my four month oncologist appointment. Something that others might not understand is the doctor/nurse and cancer patient relationship. One of the more difficult parts of completing chemotherapy and radiation is the loss of day to day contact with my doctors and nurses. It’s immensely comforting to know you have these amazing people battling with you who understand your fear and loneliness because cancer can make you feel so isolated. When I finished treatment and would no longer see my oncologist every three weeks I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.  It was hard to let go of what felt like a security blanket.  As much as I dread the anxiety leading up to my oncologist appointments, I feel comforted just talking with him.

So my oncologist read my lab results and said all was as it should be. Phew. But Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, it’s amazing how I can go from living my life, minding my own business to totally losing my shit while sitting in his office waiting. It’s humbling. Just when I feel like shit’s under control, the days leading up to these oncologist appointments are riddled with trepidation. Then the words “everything looks good” are spoken and the breath I’ve been holding is released into the universe along with all my bad panicky juju. I’m doing mental cheerleading moves and I want to Whip and Nae Nae with his awesome nurse whose name is also Kelly. So as I slide back into life, the cancerphobia slips into the background. At least until my next four month appointment. #kickingcancersass #cancercanfuckitself