Painful Lopsided Rockboobs. Part of God’s Plan?

Yes I KNOW they are lopsided/uneven/crooked. And yes, I know not everyone (in fact hardly anyone) understands how this process works. And unless you or someone you know has been through it, how would you know? I didn’t. I am happy to explain the process because-the more you know-but in the back of my mind I think “did they think I’m just okay with lopsided boobs? Or that I’ve been botched and don’t realize it?” And that’s okay because hopefully by November or December, when all is said and done and I’ve had my implant exchange plus any necessary revisions, they will no longer be lopsided/uneven/crooked (or so the Boob Whisperer assures me). I have seen photos of some other patients who have had the same procedure (latissimus dorsi flap with tissue expanders) and they look great. I just cannot fathom that my rockboobs are going to get even bigger and harder yet. I had read a few Internet stories about how painful the expanders were and after my first few fills I was all “pft, no sweat, easy freakin’ peasy.” Okay that cockiness is now gone because after my 11th fill today, this is an entirely different state of affairs. They are starting to stick out on the sides so when I walk it’s sore when my arms touch them. I feel like I have to hold my arms out a little bit away from my body and then I’m like holy shit, I’m walking like Hanz and Franz.

I can pretty much only sleep on my back, and when I do switch positions during the night it feels like I’m being staked. Someone asked me why it’s so painful but numb at the same time. Well now that’s the question, isn’t it? I was wondering about that myself. I got a B- in high school anatomy/physiology so I’m pretty sure it’s unscientific, and simplistic but it seems to me the pain is coming from the expander being situated under my pectoral so it’s stretching the muscle and the numbness is coming from all the missing nerves, lost during two surgeries.

I feel like I’m in the home stretch though, and the pain kind of feels good in that it reminds me that I’m alive, I’m still here and that most things in life worth having don’t come easy. #rockboobmasochist