Top Ten Pretty Good Things Cancer Gave Me

So fill-up number ten was today and it fucking HURTS. It’s like someone is trying to shove cantaloupes under my pectoralis major. On both sides. I asked The Boob Whisperer if we (I say we because we are on this boob journey together) are at least half way done and he said “a little more than half.” As soon as I got to work I got out my calculator and started figuring out based on an 800 cc implant, factoring 50 cc per fill, how many I have left. If my calculations are right, I have nine fills left and I should finish sometime in October. I don’t know for sure if he’s giving me 800 but that would make sense if I’m a little more than halfway there. I recalculated too, like four times, hoping the end was closer. Nobody told me there would be math involved.

Since I’ve been mostly just griping about my rockboobs, I thought maybe I should try and identity the positive things cancer has brought to my life.  Off the top of my head here are just a few:

1. Stopped drinking alcohol (yes I had a slight, okay not so slight weekend wine habit)
2. Lost 40 lbs. (overindulging in food and liquor had me headed for numerous health issues and some really big pants)
3. Got to be bald in the dead of summer in Phoenix
4. Got to see myself bald (you know you’re curious how it looks and feels)
5. Got brand-spanking new curly virgin hair several months later
6. Learned to take better care of myself. Or really, take care of myself in the first place
7. Learned to be less judgy. I know, shut up I’m still working on that one
8.  Feel more compassion for others with health struggles, and any struggles in general
9.   Learned I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for
10. Became more self-confident and outgoing (if you can walk around bald and boobless, ANYTHING is possible).

In some ways, I feel like cancer may have actually saved me.