9 Fill Ups. I’m Thinking About a Prank.

This morning I had my 9th fill up at The Boob Whisperer.  While I was waiting I played with the sample implants on the counter which I do almost every time.  They feel really nice, much better than the rock boobs I have presently.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt any boobs except my own.  I vaguely recall feeling a coworker’s fake boobs after a boob job a long time ago.  I wanted to feel my daughter’s cute little boobettes but she squealed in horror, “Mommy!”

I noticed the syringes he had ready for me were each filled with 50 cc of saline so I started trying to do mad calculations in my head. I told him about how I had tried on a B-cup bra and it was totally just, NOPE.  I’m like “how am I going to be able to tell about the size I want if bras won’t go on correctly?”  He said it is because the expanders are not shaped nor do they have the consistency of breasts or implants, but he will help me figure shit out.

He told me to bring in a bra at the end of the month that I would like to ultimately fit into and he would take it from there, which means I have to go pick out a bra. The bras I have are C cups and they’re ratty granny bras that have been in my drawer gathering dust for the last 15 months.  I am considering a prank where maybe I’ll get the biggest bra I can find, like one that would fit over my ass cheeks and bring it to him.  Another thing I found out is that he will keep the expanders in for one month after the last fill.  So I’m hoping neither of us has to cancel any more of my appointments because I’m running out of time to get everything done this year (in this insurance cycle) because God only knows what my insurance will be next year.  So far since the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, every insurance plan I’ve had has gotten canceled with the new policy’s premium increasing in price by like 30% making it oh, LESS AFFORDABLE.  I do know that there will no longer be any individual PPO plans, so does that mean HMO?  I don’t even really know how those work but I do know I haven’t heard anything good about them.  I am hoping I can get my most important doctors in-network, like my PCP whom I’ve had for 22 years, my oncologist and of course, The Boob Whisperer.

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