Insurance Cogs Are Bringing Out My Inner Howler Monkey

I have a rule when dealing with customer service people when I’m dissatisfied with products or services, and that is to be assertive but polite because my first few jobs were in retail so I can relate to the frustrations inherent with customer service jobs. For the first time (okay maybe not the first time), I am pretty sure I broke that rule. I received an EOB from my health insurer stating they would not pay for the leg compressors my anesthesiologist put on me immediately following my breast reconstruction surgery, at a cost of about $400. Anyone who’s had any kind of surgery knows that most doctors put them on you afterward to aid circulation and help prevent blood clots. So when I saw this EOB, my first thought was “fucking seriously?”

So I called the insurance company and said WTF? The cog lady said that the leg compressors were durable medical equipment that were not covered.

Me: Hey, under federal and state law you are required to cover all aspects of my reconstruction. This is smelling a lot like bad faith to me.

Her: Your reconstructive surgery was covered.

Me: Except for the part where I was unconscious and put in leg compressors like any other human who has had surgery so they don’t get a blood clot and die.

Her: Well you can appeal it.

Me: This equipment was obviously medically necessary!

Her: That doesn’t matter, it’s not covered in your plan.

Me: This is why people HATE insurance companies! You would rather I get a blood clot and die, then you don’t have to pay for the remaining reconstructive procedures.

Her: . . . . .

Me: furiously stabs at the “end call” button, because it’s my cell. That’s the bad thing about cell phones. They’re great for hunting Pokemons (Pokemen?) but I can’t get the satisfaction of slamming the phone down.

Well I haven’t yet received a bill for this and the billing lady at The Boob Whisperer’s office said the anesthesiologist would most likely write it off. I don’t know why I called them even before I got a bill, but I thought to myself, the doctor shouldn’t have to eat that cost either. The insurance company should pay for it. It’s the principle of the thing. I felt bad, albeit briefly, for shrieking like a howler monkey at the poor insurance company cog, but I have had so many problems and screw ups with my insurance, I just snapped.  And she was super cold and unsympathetic too.  I know the call was recorded and while I hope someone over there takes notice of how shitty it is to not cover this, I am not holding my breath. In fact they are probably replaying the call around the office laughing about the crazed breast cancer banshee. So probably my fit of pique garnered me nothing except high blood pressure. And if they weren’t out to screw me before they might be now.

On a more positive note, I’ve had my 7th expansion fill and I think I’m getting used to the discomfort. I was wondering why bras were still too big and apparently because the tissue expanders feel harder and are positioned higher than breasts or implants, they don’t properly sit in the bra cups. And really this is just fine as I am in no hurry to put on a bra.

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