Are Phantom Nipples a Thing?

Like a phantom lost limb?  I swear I can sometimes feel this phantom pain and itches in my nonexistent nipples. I’m sure it has something to do with my flap and/or expanders but it’s freaky. Sometimes I can feel a brief pinchy tweak and sometimes itchiness in the area where nipples would be. Makes me kind of melancholy for my lost nipples. Be thankful for and celebrate your glorious nipples, girls.

I’m recovering well, despite my pain and discomfort. I can only raise my left arm about half as high as my right, and that’s probably not going to change. I had reduced mobility after my mastectomy anyhow. Tomas put a positive spin on it, “well it’s not like you’re dusting high shelves.  Or playing tennis.” So I’m thinking now with my useless left arm I might need assistance with:

1. Grocery shopping (can’t reach heavy stuff on high shelves)
2. Unpacking groceries (arm too tired and sore from shopping)
3. Making the bed (too much arm dexterity required)
4. Folding laundry (same reason)
5. Ironing (wait-no, that’s my right arm. And I haven’t ironed in four years)
6. Landscaping chores (wait-no,Tomas does all the yard work)

This list is subject to amendment and/or supplementation.

P.S.  And if you happen to fall off the edge of a cliff, don’t expect me to be able to haul your ass back up.

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