My greatest wish lately is to wake up one morning and go through one day without a cancer thought. Right now I can’t imagine such a day. I would have to be so busy and distracted and probably ADD or under some kind of vampire mind control for that to happen. Because I see the mastectomy scars every day. I feel them. I see my oncologist every three months, so it’s always there. It is a constant struggle to not allow the fear and anxiety to take over my life.
Every night I pray to God that my cancer does not return and I know that it might. I try and rationalize my fear, and tell myself none of us knows what the future holds, perfectly healthy people can die suddenly in car crashes. I can get hit by a bus crossing the street. It’s way easier said than done though. The thought of not being here for my daughter as she grows into a woman, gets married and has babies terrifies me. It’s my biggest fear. I watched as Joey Feek faced exactly that, eventually losing her battle with cancer and leaving behind a sweet little 2 year old daughter. I pay tribute to her and others like her for inspiring me to try and live life as an active participant instead of a frightened cancer victim, to face life head on and give the grim reaper the stink eye and the middle finger.