Okay so this is my underarm. When I saw the doctor this week he said that the rash shouldn’t get worse than it is right now on account of something or other having to do with my “plan” or some such thing I don’t really remember. All I know is that those radiation laser beams better have fried the shit out of any remaining cancer cells by now. Actually the machine sort of reminds me of the Death Star when it’s moving around and the panels are sliding open and the red laser beam shoots out.
I’m not trying to gross people out, although my daughter frequently thinks I am (“ew Mommy!”) But I also want people to know what happens with radiation although my reaction is not necessarily indicative of everyone else’s because I have fair skin. I can’t even imagine what a really fair and freckled person would look like. I want to put deodorant on because B.O., but really who’s going to want to stand near me with this rash anyway.
Well this isn’t exactly the “mild sunburn” I was told to expect, what a total bait and switch. And you can’t see it but it’s on the back side too. At least I’m about 2 weeks away from the finish line so there’s that. The cream helps but I still walk around the house all itchy with the back scratcher in my hand.
My stamina is returning so I’m trying to walk and also eat healthier. One risk factor I had other than my mother having breast cancer is being overweight. So you guys, I’ve been permanently on the wagon since April and trying to eat healthy.
Incidentally today is Back to the Future Day, the date Marty McFly traveled to from 1985. First of all, where are all the flying cars? We were led to believe there would be flying cars by now. Well at least we have a pizza emoji. If I had hair I might celebrate by teasing my bangs all big with Aquanet and listening to Night Ranger.
I’m hideous look away. If you looked then you’re seeing my lovely new radiation rash and it itches like crazy like chicken pox or a thousand mosquito bites. I have OTC stuff to put on it but the pharmacy won’t have my prescription cream until tomorrow. I want to hide it under a shirt but that just irritates it more so I’m trying to wear scoop necks. My doctor says to slather it with the cream and be shirtless to let it breathe whenever possible. Wait, what? Yes you heard me right. It’s like when your toddler has diaper rash and you let them toddle around naked except toddlers are cute.
So far I don’t feel more fatigued but I still have about three and a half weeks to go so time will tell.
I just need to vent about this hot flashy business. I don’t know if it’s totally menopause or what but I didn’t have it before. I’m 49 but my doctor said chemo would activate the menopause. So I’ll just be sitting there with a totally normal body temperature, minding my own business, watching Judge Judy, then wham! I feel heat starting to simmer inside my body and spreading to my extremeties, then my face is on fire, my body is on fire, and it feels like I’ve been wearing a full length down parka for the last hour. A good fix for this is sticking my head in the freezer followed by eating a popsicle. Or bowl of ice cream with extra chocolate syrup. I tend to think its the onset of menopause because of this (and no visit from my red-headed cousin since June-I know, TMI, get over it people.)
p.s. Here’s where I might insert the red face emoji to punctuate my hotness but he’s too frowny.
So most of my hair is growing back but as you can see, the sides are conspicuously still VERY bald. WTF? And it’s mostly grey, although there’s still a lot of brown in the back. The internet says my hair may come back in totally different than before. Other unnecessary hair is slowly coming back, like my upper lip. Btw, my eyebrows are an illusion and made up of about 75% eye shadow. Looks great when I get sweaty and it starts running and smudging. I’ve been kind of weepy lately, tearing up at dumb stuff like during the Amazon commercial where the guy is carrying the little broken leg dog in the Baby Bjorn. I think it’s because the enormity of everything is kind of settling in and am I going to be on constant pins and needles wondering if the cancer will return. And with chemo over I’m ready for my hair-I mean HEAD hair please-to come back, like now. Maybe it’s hormonal since I am extremely hotflashy.
I’ve had 7 radiation treatments and so far I’m just a little sunburnish in that area, no big deal. I saw the doctor today and he said he’ll have to give me a steroid cream in a couple of weeks. My radiation oncologist is super nice. He’s a little guy and today I had on some 5″ wedges and towered over him like a bald lady giant.