I never knew how surrounded by boobs I was. I never paid much attention to other women’s boobs before, unless they were overly huge, hanging out, or had a wardrobe malfunction. But they are everywhere, in magazines, books, on TV and in movies, in public wherever I happen to glance. EVERYFREAKINGWHERE. I know I’ll get reconstruction eventually but that could be who knows how many months away. BBM (before bilateral mastectomy) I would sometimes snicker at sluttily (is that a word?) dressed chicks who had really huge tits and wore really tight tops, mentally deducting points off her IQ, but I’d not really give it much thought afterward. You know, to each her own, who am I to judge. Now I think to myself WTF are you trying to prove with your giant boobage on display? It’s nonsensical but I feel like all the boobs are in my face, mocking me. It’s obviously my problem though and I have to just deal with it while I am in this state of booblessness. Having said all that, I cannot deny it is pretty cool not to have to wear a bra you guys. It’s very comfortable and freeing. It is amazing how in the year 2015 there is still not a bra devised, except for maybe the occasional sports bra, that a woman doesn’t want to immediately whip off at the end of the day. I’m convinced if men had to wear bras they would all cost 5 bucks and would feel like baby bunny fur against your skin.
I’ve had some scalp tingling for several days and apparently that means my hair could start to go any day now, or could also be another week or two. It’s the anticipation that is the worst, if it’s gonna go just fucking GO already. But in the grand scheme of things, like living or dying, I can’t really bring myself to care that much about being bald. It will grow back. And as soon as it starts coming out, I’m shaving that shit down to G.I. Jane nubs. I will not cling to lone strands – a la Trump or Agassi. I read a post on a BC website from a woman who was desperately clinging to the last vestiges of her hair, and woke up one morning to find her ponytail still in the elastic on the pillow beside her head. THAT is some funny shit. And bless her for having the balls to share it.